bugging out

In Scarsdale, bug collecting isn’t a crime. Unless, that is, you’re Henry Zirlin. The mild-mannered lawyer and part-time naturalist was arrested at gun-point while collecting beetles in a sanitation yard off Heathcote Road. His offense? Melissa Leonard’s Well, aside from Etiquette Advice looking “suspicious” and prying off tree bark with a large knife, nothing really. When I heard about the beetle debacle—and Zirlin’s resulting two-year, $30,000 legal odyssey—it sounded like something straight from The Wizard of Oz. As it turns out, the lessons of Oz come in handy with plenty of pests:

Ladybugs, fireflys, moths: Dorothy said it best: “There’s no place like home.” Much as kids love to jar insects, it’s more humane to set them free. While clicking your heels, gently put your flying intruder on a branch or carefully blow it off your hand and into the blue yonder.

Mouse: If you hear a squeaking noise, dig down deep for the lion’s poise. Shrieking in terror won’t scare the mouse away. Remember to arm yourself with rubber gloves (germs and bacteria and viruses, oh my!) and don’t ever release it right outside your home.

Roaches: Only little girls are permitted to scream at roaches in restaurants. The proper adult ploy is to excuse yourself and alert your waiter quietly. Don’t, under any circumstances, ignore the roach—as with flying monkeys, if there’s one, there are many.

Etiquette coach Melissa Leonard lives in Har-rison with her two children; www.establishyourselfNY.com.